Love at First Sight is Real

In a recent conversation with a buyer I worked with nearly ten years ago, she brought up the day we first saw the house they still live in today. It surprised me how clearly she remembers that day, and I also remember how adamant she was that the house was the one for her.

We were still standing on the driveway when she told me “this is the one, this is my house.” I must have looked a bit skeptical because she still laughs at my expression, which must have been along the lines of “maybe wait till we’ve gotten inside to decide that…”

But I’ve seen it happen over and over again with buyers. Love at first sight is actually a real thing. Most people aren’t quite as aware or vocal about it as this lady was, but I’ve watched it happen countless times, and even experienced a version of it myself.

A couple of years ago I wrote about how Sometimes a First House is Like a First Husband and have since had clients express the same sentiment which always makes me laugh, because it’s so very true.

I never liked my first house and had to talk myself into buying it. We lived there for 3 and a half years, which was exactly three and a half years longer than I wanted to be there.

Once that house was under contract, ex and I were looking for the next house and I did most of the searching, only bringing him to the options I was willing to consider. At one point I heard myself say “well, I don’t hate it.”

I had settled so severely with the first house, I was NOT willing to do that again. To the extent that I didn’t care if it meant moving twice and renting until I found the one I really wanted to buy.

Within moments of walking into my current house, I realized I’d been here before. Five years earlier, I’d interviewed for a nanny position with a prior owner. While not quite love at first sight, it was a recognition, and I do believe this house was meant to be mine. That was nearly twelve years ago, and the past four years have been the BEST, since I’ve lived here by myself.

Ok, technically it was the second time I saw this house. But the first time, I wasn’t looking for a home to buy so that time doesn’t really count.

I really love that my client remembers her moment of recognition so clearly, and also that I was a part of it. My own is certainly meaningful to me, and the ex ever knew this story, so I love it even more because it’s all mine.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Love at First Sight is Real”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

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Enchanting Conversations

My favorite conversations without question, are those that involve depth and meaningful communication. While for years I have (and still do) engage that way with my women friends, it’s recently become quite common for me to also have enchanting conversations with men. The recognition of this has stunned me in unexpected ways.

Not just in the realm of dating, although that arena is certainly still providing me with new evidence that there really are men with whom I genuinely enjoy talking and engaging. In a myriad of other connections, I’m having brilliantly enchanting conversations with truly fascinating men on a very regular basis.

In one instance, a professional connection threw out the idea of us doing a podcast together. His exact words were along the lines of “let’s cut to the chase and do a podcast” to which my immediate response was oh, hell YES. Let’s go!

It’s been so unpredictably enchanting to communicate with him, and realize a level of depth and shared perspective I never would have imagined. We share similar backgrounds in psychology and relate to being “informal therapists” in many aspects of our professional lives. It’s refreshing and so meaningful to talk about a wide variety of topics with one another.

In the way that writers share an unspoken understanding, so do those of us well versed in the language and perspective of psychology or therapy. He also very gently asked about what was behind a very raw and vulnerable post I shared on Instagram a while back.

We had a really beautiful conversation, navigating topics including trauma, grief and chosen responses. As well as larger concepts of the different outlooks men and women have while navigating life. He quite accurately noted a visible lack of such conversations not with women or men, but with women AND men talking openly with one another about such things.

At one point this Spring I joked that I’m just adding married, divorced and single men into all areas of my life. But it’s true. From random conversations in elevators, at professional and social events, everywhere I turn there are engaged and intriguing men showing up. It’s both fascinating and inspiring.

I’ve been very aware of the need to not just find my voice, but also to raise it for a while now. Turns out there are more men than I ever imagined who are also willing to show up and embrace meaningful conversations. Ones that may not always be easy, but that always include depth and substance.

One of my strongest and most clear indicators of whether to allow any connection closer to me is: are you willing be vulnerable? As well as whether or not you’re willing to be open enough to consider alternate perspectives and experiences.

The very best of these enchanting conversations are ones that challenge me. They challenge me to question what’s underneath my particular responses and, maybe more importantly, what’s underneath my more immediate reactions.  Conversations and communication that invite me to dig deeper and uncover awareness or understanding previously hidden.

I have NO idea what is unfolding, where any of it will lead, or what the reason is for any of it having shown up. All I know is that I continue to be surrounded by, and a contributor to, absolutely enchanting conversations with women AND with men. Inviting and expressing more of that? Hell, yes. Because enchantment is just so damn fun.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Enchanting Conversations”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

The Beauty of Blank Spaces

It feels as though I’m constantly decluttering, releasing and letting go of things. To the extent that I recently wondered how the hell I’m STILL finding things to get rid of.

I started cleaning out my office after several months of not using it at all. Under piles of paperwork, I found an old list I’d written 4 years ago, and immediately realized that even my handwriting is vastly different today. It’s far more open and flowing than back when I was married. Fascinating.

For months, I allowed piles of papers and cards to sit on my kitchen counters. I avoided dealing with it, yet it was a constant visual irritant. Until I finally decided I’d had enough.

Clearing those piles opened up space, and that just feels so much more calming. I’m not quite minimalist, but also don’t see the point of having things simply for the sake of having them.

This release led me to clearing out old client files, and then I realized that now I only have client files from the time I was separated and divorced. That feels really good, and like yet another layer of healing.

Somehow, I also still had old personal files that included my ex’s name. How I missed those in prior rounds of release, I have no idea, but apparently now was their time to go.

Clearing out and releasing opens up blank spaces, which invites in possibilities and potential.

With everything in my life, I’m intensely intentional, and evaluate based on whether things are meaningful to me. Including the things that surround me. Turns out that as with so many other things in life, this clearing is a never-ending process and opportunity to constantly evaluate what is (and is not) meaningful to me.

Talking with a close friend recently, she’s also clearing out tons of things that are no longer relevant. We’re also both navigating evolving our professional and personal lives. Having known each other for years, we’ve seen one another change and have a lot of similar life experiences, regardless of the differences in the details.

We’ve also both realized how liberating clearing, and opening up blank spaces can feel, as well as how much it allows us to recognize brilliant new opportunities the more we lean into it.

I’ve been working in google drive quite a lot lately, and am even clearing out old files there and in my email folders. Cyber clutter is very real and just as relevant as getting rid of physical clutter.

Blank space isn’t a void, it’s an invitation to possibility and even better things than we can yet imagine or comprehend. I quite enjoy being the sole decision maker in my life, with the ability to decide what I add, keep, or delete at any given point in time.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Beauty of Blank Spaces”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

Storytelling

I recognize stories everywhere. Not just in people, but in places, things and experiences, even in houses. Perhaps its my perspective as a writer and storyteller that naturally illuminates this awareness. Or maybe its my intuitive sense of seeing beneath the obvious and reading between the lines.

I’ve recently felt as though I’ve been time-traveling, while finding myself in places and with people I’ve previously known. Recognizing history while also writing new stories and experiences in these familiar settings.

Since late January of this year, I’ve owned two businesses (writing and real estate) and these days I’m actively working in both careers. Most days switching from one to the other, and sometimes back in any given day. Clearly, I’m much more adaptable than I ever thought.

Stories are the common thread that both careers share. Houses have stories just as people do, and it’s kind of funny to recognize how often I’ve encountered houses where divorce is part of the current or past story of a house.

With writing and ghostwriting, I’ve realized that stories are the essential element and indicator of whether a potential project and client is a good match for me. I’m learning to pass on the ones that aren’t, which of course, frees me to focus on the ones that are truly fun and fascinating to engage with.

Stories are everywhere if you only notice them. From my jewelry, to my writing, to my friends and connections. Stories are the common and yet often invisible thread that tie so much together. I’ve said for years that people just tend to “tell me shit” and the reality is that we all have stories yearning to be witnessed.

As an empath and intuitive, I’m highly discerning about whose stories I fully witness. The ones that include reciprocal witnessing are absolutely everything to me. Stories are powerful beyond what words can ever convey, and being seen…..it’s pure magic.

There’s an image on my current vision board that I was recently reminded of and it reads: “You have a new story to write, and it looks nothing like your past“.

Tell your story, speak your truth and, above all else, take ownership of writing your next chapter. The pen is indeed in your hand, regardless of whether it’s you or a ghostwriter doing the actual writing.

For me, it’s never about the byline and always about the message that’s meaningful. Speak, share, create and express. Regardless of the pathway.

One of the most beautiful gifts of this year has been connecting with so many other writers who simply “get” what it’s like. Whether we’ve embraced this path from the beginning, or experienced a “fuck, I’m a writer” moment. These new connections have brought refreshingly inspiring energy into my life.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Storytelling”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

 

 

New Creative Partnership with the Disrupt Now Podcast

I am not often speechless, so the feeling of it isn’t at all familiar. Yet that’s exactly how I felt one Friday evening in May while hanging out at a bar with a friend.

My friend and date for the evening asked if I’d be interested or willing to partner with her on the podcast she created. And it took me at least a minute to answer her because I had no words. Until I said one of the most decisive “yeses” that I have ever expressed.

That YES only occurred after I shoved my logical, rational mind completely out of the decision making process. Something I find myself doing more and more often lately, and somehow I’m ok with that.

The alignment and perfection of this partnership is undeniable and it’s an understatement to say that I am beyond excited about it. The Disrupt Now Podcast was created as a platform of conversations with people challenging and disrupting the status quo. Just slightly aligned with me.

When I divorced, I didn’t just throw out the old rule book, I burned it and have been writing my own rules ever since. The beauty of which is that I get to decide when and if my own rules are bent in any way.

Communication is a word that has been relentlessly showing up in my life particularly over the past few months. It seems that I cannot stop talking, and don’t even want to stop. I’ve talked on my phone more in the past few months than in the past several years.

What I didn’t realize was that Natalie created this podcast with a vision that it would be a collaborative creative endeavor. What she didn’t realize is that I’ve played with the idea of a podcast for well over a year, but I didn’t want one just about me.

Our friendship has had a very strong complementarity to it right from the beginning, and that’s only strengthened over time. Both of us continue to just show up and it’s easy, effortless and so much fun.

In what was now clearly foreshadowing this alliance, I was a guest on the Disrupt Now podcast with an episode we recorded earlier this year. That episode stemmed from one of our marathon conversations on New Year’s Eve 2018.

When we recorded the Art of Allowing Episode of Disrupt Now we had no script and simply talked the way we always do with one another.

We recorded episode 41 yesterday in a brand new podcast space, with magic and synchronicity literally everywhere. Even I cannot make this shit up and I’m a storyteller. It was like being in our own private hideaway, having deeply meaningful conversation, in the middle of a busy area of Charlotte. Juxtaposition indeed.

Saying yes to this creative partnership is an absolutely brilliant new endeavor and I cannot wait to see where it goes. While at the same time, deeply trusting that I don’t really need to see or acquire a road map. I can simply just keep showing up and engaging in conversation.

It seems that 2019 has finally caught on to what my original intention for this year was: Fun. Because it’s absolutely everywhere I turn lately, and I truly love that.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “New Creative Partnership with the Disrupt Now Podcast”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

The Reality of Dating Beyond Divorce

I’ve been threatening to write about my experiences with dating for quite long enough. For about 8 months now I’ve had some type of online dating profile, and there have certainly been some “interesting” experiences.

If nothing else, it’s absolutely entertaining, not just to see what men post about themselves, but also what they say and how they interact with me. I swear, people don’t realize how much they give away about themselves with words alone.

If you’re a woman dating after divorce, there’s a must read article that a fellow joyfully divorced friend sent me and it finally highlights a truly practical aspect to online dating: Woman Joins Tinder to Pick Up Couch from Ikea

When I first read that article, I cried from laughing so hard – the most hilarious part was her screenshots of interactions. Because YES, that’s how most men interact. And it is hilarious.

From the beginning, I didn’t like match.com at all and once they censored my language, I was done with that site. My experience with it was creepy, and the majority of communication I received was just so stupidly beyond anything I was remotely interested in, it wasn’t worth my time. The fact that the site told me that men age 50-70 were my ideal audience should have been a clue….I was 39 at the time and thanks, but hell no.

I’ve had better interactions with the app Hinge, and yet, I’ve become much more discerning over time and at this point ignore probably 98% of messages. The most recent one that I received was “you’re absolutely gorgeous” to which my reaction was rolling my eyes thinking “and you’re absolutely superficial”. Needless to say, he’s not getting an actual reply.

The ridiculousness of what men say, share, and post is just beyond words. My personal favorite direct message I’ve received: “I just want you to admit you want to have sex with me”. Well, I’m pretty certain you’ve just eliminated any possibility of that ever actually being accurate. Seriously.

Even better have been some in person conversations with men who, while otherwise were perfectly nice, responded to my sharing the above message by telling me that they hoped I let the guy know how I perceived it.

As though I’m somehow responsible for educating men on how to behave and interact with women. What the actual fuck?! Dear men, I assure you that I have plenty of responsibility for my own behavior, I’m not interested in taking any amount of ownership for yours.

The reality of dating beyond divorce is enlightening for sure and the level of arrogance is astonishing. For any men reading this – arrogance and posturing is not attractive, and it’s evident regardless of what you think.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Reality of Dating Beyond Divorce”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

Relationships as Creative Alliances

I recently saw relationships described as “creative alliances” and I really love that description. It very much implies a collaborative connection and that’s certainly my style.

Within recent months, as I chose to end an aspect of my life that had been a significant commitment, the impacts of that choice on all kinds of relationships in my life were fascinating.

Ending one commitment has opened flood gates of opportunities, and I’m continuing to say yes to things that are at times astonishing. Many connections and relationships have intensified and deepened once space was cleared for new experiences.

Recently when a friend asked if I’d be willing to partner with her on a creative endeavor the absolute brilliance of it stunned me. I had no idea her invitation was even a possibility and the magic of it was undeniable. It was like realizing “of course we’re going to collaborate on this together” and it’s totally aligned with one of my passions: communication.

Viewing relationships as creative alliances speaks to both their potential and expansive nature. It implies possibility which of course all connections include.

While interviewing book design and editing connections it became clear that I’m not interested in or looking for clinical. Being a very personal creative endeavor, publishing my first memoir, I want to collaborate with people I sense and feel a connection with – I want partnerships that are creative alliances.

It’s been a wild couple of months and while I continue to encounter experiences and connections that simply defy logic, perhaps the most surprising insight has been that I’m actually ok with not being able to explain or rationalize any of it.

I am completely surrounded by relationships that embody creative alliance in ways that I never could have imagined. And all of it just feels so damn fun.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Relationships as Creative Alliances”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression