Author Archives: dianemcdermott

About dianemcdermott

Joyfully divorced, Diane is passionate about sharing her story, experience, wisdom and insight from this beautifully brutal life. Passionate about heartfelt connection in all areas of her life she is a public introvert and most enjoys connecting with and spending quality time with friends, chosen family and clients that are uplifting and inspiring. Her core values of connection, humor, integrity, authentic alignment influence all aspects of her life. She is intentional in all that she does. Diane is the founder and owner of Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services and McDermott Real Estate LLC

Reflections on Leaving My Thirties

I have an exceptional memory and while that’s certainly a double edged sword, right now I choose to utilize it for wisdom and awareness.

Tomorrow is my birthday and this time of year always invites reflection, perhaps a bit more so this year as I close out one decade and begin another.

I am acutely aware of how dark, tense, pretty much all around awful my birthday was in 2015 when April and May brought what I’d call the “final descent into separation and divorce”.  The visceral feeling of not being alone but being deeply lonely permeated that Spring.

Every birthday since has been an ever expanding joyful reclamation of this season that I’ve loved for as long as I can remember.

The past four years in particular have included rather fast paced invitations to extract wisdom from life experience. Wisdom that I get to carry forward into my forties.

I would NOT go back to my life from 30 through 36 and the fact that the end of this decade brought ongoing and increasing amounts of joyful experiences, connections and insight doesn’t make me sad. It illuminates potential and possibility.

Within just the past six months, clarity on passionate opportunities have beautifully unfolded and I’m so much more willing to trust myself than ever before.

I’m deeply willing to honor my needs, priorities and values. After thirty plus years of not being on my own list, I’m now at the top of it.

Absolutely nothing in my life today looks the way it did four, let alone ten years ago. It looks, feels and is absolutely so much more aligned, integrated and joyful than ever before. All of that’s been a profound gift from navigating my thirties.

The Eric Church song Some of It is just a slight obsession for me lately and yes, there really is something to some of it.

Dear thirties – thank you for the diamonds of wisdom, insight and awareness I carry forward while leaving the rest behind. It’s been real.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Reflections on Leaving My Thirties”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

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Unapologetic Sovereignty

The idea of sovereignty for my own life is not new but is one that continues to evolve and expand.

I define unapologetic sovereignty as the commitment to trusting myself to navigate each and every step of this life experience as it feels most right, true and aligned for me. It’s a deep and sincere faith in myself to recognize the next right step AND the unwillingness to pick up the opinions, reactions or beliefs of anyone else.

Certainly it became a primary theme through and beyond my divorce. It seemed there was always an endless supply of opinions as to options and countless suggestions swirling around me. Even when those external “suggestions” were truly coming from a place of love it is ultimately only ever up to me to decide.

Through all of that external noise I began to really lean into trusting myself to know what did (and did not) feel right for me. Imagine that, trusting myself to know what is and is not right for me.

Unapologetic sovereignty of my own life includes trusting myself to navigate my own life experience……as I see fit.

It also innately involves honoring the fact that I am simply unwilling to pick up or carry anyone else’s opinions, expectations, or experience of me. None of those things are mine to hold. There’s a beautifully liberating release in that awareness.

In addition to being liberating there’s a deep sense of peace that comes with both allowing myself AND others to navigate our own life experience. Unapologetically and in alignment with what works for us.

For a long time I did attempt to carry external opinions, expectations and even reactions. To say it was heavy, awkward and decidedly not fun is an understatement.

You know what’s not only badass but really fun?! Trusting myself enough to know and honor what does and does not feel right for me.

Allowing and giving myself rest when I need it, quiet time when I need to recharge, quality time with people I enjoy being around when, where and how I want it.

External opinions, reactions and expectations do not belong upon my shoulders. Other people’s opinions are indeed none of my business. When I catch myself starting to pick them up, I’m a lot faster at recognizing it and setting them back down.

There’s so much noise all around us it can stifle and drown out the softer voice that whispers rather than shouts, while inviting each one of us to walk this life experience in our own unique way.

The truth is that no one but YOU can walk your path or navigate your life’s journey. Certainly we can cheer one another on, but in each and every moment we are always invited to step into unapologetic sovereignty for our own experience.

I trust those I love to walk their own path and I choose to trust myself to navigate mine. Unapologetic sovereignty doesn’t eliminate connection or relationships, it strengthens them with a trust that goes way beyond words.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Unapologetic Sovereignty”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

The Intricate Web of Crime, Trauma and Healing

Earlier this month in the span of minutes my life took an unexpected and dramatic turn. Yet as I write this, there are some very familiar themes woven deeply through and within my experience these past weeks.

On a Saturday afternoon, a man I’d never met brutally assaulted me and attempted to take my car. The aftermath of those minutes brought an upper jaw broken and fractured, my nose broken, my face unrecognizable and certainly a life experience that won’t soon be forgotten.

I’ve written and spoken very freely on my journey through and beyond divorce these past years and it seems I cannot stay silent when experience brings me insight, wisdom and awareness.

In fact the one media interview I granted to WSOC’s Erica Bryant was done before my jaw was repaired. Literally, even a broken jaw can’t shut me up from speaking and sharing my truth.

One of the most poignant and shining aspects throughout all of these past days and weeks has been: Love. Humanity. Connection.

The genuine, sincere and at times overwhelming force of the good that truly does exist in this world.

At the moment this assault was unfolding TWO people I’ve never met and whose names I may never know stopped to help. One called 911, stayed with me until police and medic arrived, then stayed even longer to provide detailed information, identify the suspect and as far as I know was still there as I was taken to the ER. The other person who stopped gave me the shirt off of his back.

Truly a juxtaposition of light and shadow at play. My choice is to focus on the light and the brilliant, kind, humanity of connection displayed by those individuals.

I’ve been aware that I have some amazing, badass, powerfully loving and heartfelt connections in my life. The outpouring of care, concern, support, hugs, gifts, notes, quality time, LOVE has been at times overwhelming to experience.

Yet it hasn’t only been those who know me who’ve extended such grace. From first responders to medical personnel, to investigators, to random people I’ve only just met the invisible thread has been one of deep and meaningful reverence. Reverence that I believe reflects our shared humanity.

Because the uncomfortable truth is that this could happen to any one of us. Or it could happen to our daughter, sister, aunt, niece or friend. Because I am all of those things. And this did happen to me.

I sometimes joke (maybe I should stop) that the Universe has a sense of humor. As though watching me navigate deep waters of forgiveness and healing through my divorce journey, this experience showed up to see if  I really mean it.

And I do. Because I haven’t felt or been tempted to conjure even an ounce of anger or hatred toward the person that physically hurt me. Nor am I angry at myself. I know that this isn’t a reflection of me or my worthiness and it doesn’t define me. It’s simply an experience and one that I will intentionally navigate with grace.

Whether harm is psychological, emotional or physical in nature, the truth is that hurt people….hurt other people.

That awareness does not mean I’m not participating in this person being held accountable for his actions. It does mean I won’t be tethered, defined or restricted by this experience.

There is SO MUCH good in the world. Really and truly there is, and there are people who will illuminate it time and time again, if only we’re willing to pay attention and witness it. That is the invisible thread that I choose to honor, appreciate and focus on because it certainly feels a hell of a lot better than anything else.

To each and every one who has in any way touched my life experience with love, grace, compassion and sincerity – “thank you” seems so inadequate but it’s all I’ve got right now.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Intricate Web of Crime, Trauma and Healing”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

Podcast Episode: Magic of Allowing

Anyone who knows me well knows that I suffocate in the superficial and conversations of any quality are going to include depth.

In the past year one of the most fun discoveries has included being a guest on podcast episodes with a variety of hosts. Turns out it’s quite natural for me and every single one has been a genuine reflection of conversations I have with friends all the time.

This most recent episode was all about the concept of Allowing which is indeed powerful and quite a relevant topic. The Disrupt Now Program is all about highlighting game changers and those who are hell bent on disrupting the status quo, living in their authentic truth and unapologetically showing up for this messy, brilliant, brutal and beautiful human experience.

Just slightly aligned with me.

Check out the latest episode of the Disrupt Now Podcast and listen in on our discussion of the profound and powerful topic of allowing: Disrupt Now The Magic of Allowing

Everything that I write, speak and share is always from the perspective of what I wish my younger self had known or realized.

Natalie Viglione is the founder of the Disrupt Now Program, highlighting game changers and disrupters intent on shattering the status quo. She and I connected last year and our conversations are always an immense joy. Hope you enjoy listening in!

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Podcast Episode: Magic of Allowing”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

Unapologetic Permission

Unapologetic permission to be our truest selves, honor what we value and need, to say no (and yes) as we see fit, to use our voices and tell our stories is always inherently within us. If you’re breathing, that’s proof you already have permission to unapologetically be uniquely you.

I have found though that at times other people can bring powerful invitations illuminating the permissions slips that already have our names on them.

Since ending my marriage I’ve been very open about sharing my own experience. Since the day my ex left I’ve never shied away from speaking about my own personal experience through and beyond divorce.

In sharing my own story I’ve been stunned at how many others have navigated divorce, are in miserable marriages, or are navigating separation and divorce. Time after time, my own sharing provided an invitation for others to share their own stories. Illuminating the unapologetic permission to share freely in a safe space.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of such permission illumination. My closest people have full security clearance to confront and challenge me. There have been many conversations including their sometimes gentle and other times relentless “encouragement” to own my natural gifts.

Everything from my denial of leadership ability, speaking and communication talents, writing, connection and relationships, intuition, perspective, humor, listening ability, empathy. If I attempted to deny or diminish it, I’ve been called out for doing so.

Awareness that I’m the only one holding myself back can sting but at some point we each have to choose to shine OR live with the awareness that we already have permission and any excuses are just resistance.

Unapologetic permission to be our truest selves is liberating but that can also be terrifying.

There’s a quote from Marianne Williamson that I swear haunts me (in a good way) this is part of it:
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

It takes courage to shine. It takes strength to move beyond the fears, doubts, insecurities, worries and hang ups each of us has.

Embracing the inherent permission each of us already has to shine brightly, perhaps more than ever before is scary. But it’s also so damn worth it and can indeed feel fun, light, expansive and maybe most of all true and genuine.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Unapologetic Permission”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

The Freedom and Potential of Relationship Beyond Divorce

I’ve never been a fan of the Valentine’s Day holiday regardless of whether I’ve been single, married or dating someone. It just reeks of contrived and unrealistic expectation which doesn’t sit well with me. Kinda the opposite of genuine and heartfelt, meaningful connection.

Several years ago around this time it was actually really fun to receive some long awaited divorce documents….and walk boldly into the ex’s attorney’s office allowing them to meet me for the first time.

This morning I was listening to a radio segment and they were talking about relationships in your 30s, 40s and beyond, as well as how different those relationships can be from previous ones.

I’ve actually considered this quite a bit personally, asking myself “what DO I want and what is meaningful to me”?

There is such immense freedom, possibility and potential in considering and allowing myself to design and intentionally align my values with regard to what a relationship might include.

For me, it wouldn’t include legal marriage and honestly probably wouldn’t involve living together either.

It would include fun, laughter, companionship, intellectual conversation as well as passion and intimacy. The thought of using dating sites or apps to serial date leaves me exhausted just considering it. That’s never been and still isn’t my style. Meaningful and heartfelt connection is woven into every single relationship in my life.

The past several years of deep introspection have brought tremendous clarity on my preferences and what’s non-negotiable when it comes to any relationship. That clarity is the foundation of every choice I make now, and that holds true for all versions of relationships.

There’s no right or wrong relationship formula and there’s such brilliant freedom and possibility in considering that I can choose all aspects of a relationship. Choices not based on external expectations or “traditions” but out of alignment and honoring myself.

At 22, hell even at 30 or 35, I didn’t realize I already had the ability to give myself unapologetic permission to create an entirely new and unique framework for a romantic relationship. I deeply realize that potential now. And that awareness is priceless.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Freedom and Potential of Relationship Beyond Divorce”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

Contrast and Clarity

Contrast and clarity are powerfully and inevitably intertwined. Life will bring us contrast and the inherent invitation is the clarity we can choose to extract and take forward.

Contrast shows up in experiences, situations, relationships and any number of other pathways. I won’t suggest that contrast within this human experience is ever exactly “fun” to feel, but there are still brilliant gifts it offers when we choose to recognize them. Contrast is the space between what we do and do not want.

Clarity born out of contrasting/challenging/uncomfortable experiences is powerful because it’s like a compass. We’re constantly fine tuning to our true North: What DO I want, how do I want to feel, what will I and what will I not allow? This can be applied to any area of life but in my experience relationships are the most fertile ground for this wisdom to arrive.

As a writer I create my own working definitions of some words and divorce is one of them. I see it as far more expansive than the end of a legal marriage. To me, divorce means cutting energetic and physical ties while implementing value based boundaries.

I’ve divorced “friends”, acquaintances, business relationships, and of course my marriage. I’ve divorced mindsets, old versions of myself, professional roles, the list goes on. You could say I’m the Queen of Divorce in all of its versions.

When I get to the point of divorcing anything, there has always been a dance of contrast and clarity.

For a long while I was firmly in the camp of focusing on the contrast to show me what I didn’t want. There was a big shift last October that had me pivoting and looking more at what I DO want as a result of contrast.

That shift has been really powerful and doors continue to fly open as I focus on the clarity of what is deeply meaningful to me: The people, experiences, connections and things that are most deeply aligned with me and my core values.

The pathway of growth and awareness is an upward spiral and while the contrast never goes away, I’ve found my recovery rate increases exponentially.

More than a year ago someone I thought was a friend hired and fired me within the span of a few weeks, after I did a ton of work on their house listing. The shattering unfolded rapidly and it was clear we were not aligned. My boundary enforcement and cutting out of this person was swift and complete. But….it really hurt and it hurt for a while.

Fast forward to recently when it became clear a connection needed to be removed. My recovery rate was exponentially faster and so much easier. Clarity felt like relief.

Contrast is going to show up. Clarity can follow and whether it does so quickly or over time the invitation is always there.

I’ve deeply learned these past years that I cannot and will not hold responsibility for the choices, behavior and actions of others upon my shoulders. When contrast arises, I’ll mine the clarity and gratefully take that wisdom with me. Onward and upward always.

Clarity on what I do want continues to come into ever sharper focus. For that insight and the ever increasing recovery rate from contrast, I am immensely grateful.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Contrast and Clarity”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression