Tag Archives: relationships

People That I Used To Know

I don’t even have words for what April and May seem to bring my way every year. It seems that every single year I’m left looking around wondering “what the fuck?”

This year has been no different and strongly involves people that I used to know. In some cases, death is involved. In other cases, re-connection has arisen unexpectedly. In all cases, I am stunned.

What makes this year’s spring season so different is the fact that we’re all quarantined and nothing is “normal.”

There are people that I intellectually understand I will never see again…but that awareness hasn’t sunk in to a visceral level yet. There are people that have surprisingly sweetly come back in to my life in some very unexpected ways.

I know quite a lot of people and meet more all of the time. It’s always interesting to witness people that I used to know both fall away, re-emerge, or transition to different levels of connection.

Maybe I’m getting a “little” better at allowing such transitions to take place. But I still have to say that grief is fucking brutal. It is awful and a process I wish I weren’t so intimately acquainted with in my own life.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “People That I Used To Know”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

Soul Mates – My Personal Opinion

This is a topic that has come up in a lot of conversations recently, and as with so much, I have some thoughts about it.

I personally do not buy into the fairy tale concept that there is one “soul mate” out there, and once you find that person, life just becomes magical. As someone who is happily divorced, I can tell you….we don’t always get it right when choosing a partner. Relationships of any kind include ups and downs; they are not always easy.

The term “soul connections” feels much more accurate to me, and there is ample evidence of it in my own life. While I don’t think anyone’s doing much dating at the moment, I’m still happily single but open to considering a romantic relationship; says the pretty solidly unromantic woman.

However, there are quite a few people in my life that I would classify as soul connections. People with whom there is an undeniable and very strong attraction. Some of these are professional connections, some are both professional and personal, others are just personal.

For me, the most critical (and accurate) indication of a soul connection is communication and conversation. Every person that I’d classify as a soul connection is someone who has shown up and not just matched me in communication, but challenged and expanded our connection through conversation.

These are people who show up, and don’t just match me; they are willing to debate and share differing opinions. Each one is a significant factor in my own personal growth…and I love that.

I’ve learned a lot about my preferences when it comes to dating, and communication is one of my biggest complaints when it comes to the experience of dating. So many men are unable, or unwilling, to show up and have a conversation.

I have so much deep appreciation for the people in my life that are soul-level connections; I adore our conversations. With regard to dating, I have a lot of criteria but communication is one of the most meaningful. Though I won’t negotiate on height or several other factors.

If I ever choose to be in a relationship again, it will need to match this type of soul level connection. It would need to be someone willing to show up and not just engage in conversation with me, but one willing to challenge and debate; to make me consider different perspectives.

At this point, I just don’t care how few men may match all of my personal criteria for a partner. There is ample evidence in other areas of my life that such soul connections exist, and that they can arrive in my life in some of the most unexpected ways.

So while I don’t believe in the idea of a single soul mate, I do very much believe that there are soul level connections available; it is always our choice whether to embrace and recognize them when they arrive. It also does not mean that they remain in our lives forever, and sometimes that’s an even more challenging awareness to embrace.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Soul Mates – My Personal Opinion”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

 

Emerging

While I never really stopped showing up for my life, recently there has been a theme of emerging in even deeper ways. Early April of last year, I was at a local business event and several people seemed surprised to see me there; which I didn’t understand…was I supposed to stay in bed?

In recent conversation with someone who also encountered trauma last year, I asked if they noted the irony that we’re both ready to emerge more fully into our lives when the world shuts down. How fun.

Someone who was once very close to me, but then cut me off rather brutally, recently sent an IG follow request. To which I turned my head sideways wondering what the actual fuck they were thinking; and NO.

At the same time, other people I haven’t been in touch with lately have come back around and I’ve been able to reconnect with them joyfully. The choice is always mine to make. People continue to emerge back into my life in surprising ways.

Emerging even more fully into my life in so many ways is indescribably sweet and sometimes also bitter. I’m very aware of people that I choose to keep and those I choose to release.

Charlotte is a very, very small town; I am aware that I could encounter these non-connections in a variety of settings. Whether you think I’m writing about you or not, you’re right.

The reality is that my emergence and presence in my own life is only and always up to me; I choose who, where, and with whom I spend my time and energy.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Emerging”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

 

Names

Back when I started dating, it seemed like every other man who contacted me had the same first name as my ex. While at first, I forced myself to stay open to possibility, I later realized that I really just don’t like that name.

More recently, the last man I was texting had a name that I just don’t like. Which was yet another reason I wasn’t sorry to see him go. I just have certain names that I don’t like, for very personal reasons. While I can work professionally with clients who have such names, when it comes to my personal life…I can’t get past it.

While married, I kept my name the same; which was one less thing to update once becoming divorced. I like my name and never saw a reason to change it.

It seems like such a superficial thing to get hung up on, but it’s one of my personal criteria when it comes to considering relationships. I have to like your name. At the same time that I have names I personally dislike, there are also names that have positive associations.

Some of the names I like have surprised me. One in particular at first made me pause, and then I realized that I do actually like it. In fact, talking with a friend who has a brother with the same name, I hadn’t realized how common it is.

All of which is fascinating to witness. So while there are definitely names that will push me to disconnect, there are also names that are attractive to me. The details of which will always only be known to me.

I do not want to date anyone with the same name as my ex, but the list of possibilities continues to expand. And I like that. As with much of my writing which unfolds in very cryptic fashion; whether you think I’m writing about you or not…you’re probably right.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Names”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

New Beginnings and Creative Scheduling

Spring has always been my favorite season and it is a time of new beginnings. How appropriate that I spent the first day of this season with some of my closest friends, creating new memories in a familiar place.

This time with friends was a direct result of what’s become much more common lately: creative scheduling.

Yesterday’s date was a reschedule from a few weeks ago, when I cancelled out of emotional exhaustion; I simply did not have the energy at that time to go out. Yet, by the time the reschedule date arrived, restaurants and bars were closed.

So…one of my highly creative and intuitive friends suggested an alternate location outdoors. At a place that I have a long personal history with, and often visit both alone and with others.

Rather than hanging out at some bar, we met and drank wine at a park. Enjoying the beautiful weather and peaceful setting. This creative socializing was one of the most fun wine dates I have ever had.

Creative scheduling also applies to some potential upcoming projects that are just beginning to be discussed. All of which are completely aligned with me, my work, and my creativity. A year ago, I wouldn’t have been ready to embrace any of these new experiences in the same way that I am today.

While the first half of March felt like an emotional train wreck, the second half is bringing in lots of new beginnings, opportunities, and creative possibilities. All of which just feel really good. Perhaps now that I’ve cleared out all of that emotional baggage, I’m more ready than ever to welcome even more new beginnings.

I have a lot of highly creative people in my life and collaborative endeavors seems to be a current theme. As does getting creative with scheduling, both virtually and in-person. A year ago, I couldn’t imagine how many virtual conversation opportunities would soon begin arriving.

Certainly, with what’s going on in the world, accessing the bright side of technology to connect virtually has become a highly accelerated trend; and there is tremendous opportunity in embracing that.

It turns out that I really enjoy participating in virtual meetings and conversations. I get to be comfortable at home in workout clothes and still have brilliant conversations, with connections all over the world. The expansiveness of that format and how much I enjoy it has been one of the most joyful discoveries of the past year.

It’s true that a lot can change in a year. A lot can change in even a week or a day. There is magic available when we choose to surrender to embracing possibility, new beginnings, and collaborative creativity.

In the midst of chaos, I am choosing to say “yes” to new creative and collaborative projects myself, while also witnessing creative friends launch their own new endeavors and projects. All of which is quite a lot of fun.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “New Beginnings and Creative Scheduling”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

 

Complicated Relationships

I have complicated relationships with many things in my life, even with some words. But there are three that are the most consistent: writing, sleep, and technology.

When asked to describe my relationship with writing, I can’t say that I love it. “It’s complicated” is much more accurate. Like an intense attraction and equally intense resistance to it. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? For me, writing doesn’t really involve choice; it’s simply something I must do. Storytelling isn’t something I sought out, it’s something that continues to choose me; regardless of how I feel about it.

Honestly, some days I actively despise writing and wish I could untangle myself from its grasp. I’ve tried, and it’s simply not possible. So I get to a place of thinking Fine, if I’m going to have to write, let’s just do it.

Right now, I’ve almost finished the final edits on my first memoir. The manuscript of which I’ve had for, oh, several months by now. I am so damn sick of this book. UGH!!! However, I’m also aware that I’m now into writing my third memoir, and in order to move on, this damn first one needs to be published. So I force myself to sit down and work on it. Ignoring all of my (very loud) internal protesting and just keep reading and writing.

Sleep and I have a long history of being complicated with one another. Starting way back while I was married, sleep and I are occasional acquaintances. Despite the fact that I do really love sleep, it seems we constantly have a push/pull connection with each other.

The most severe insomnia I’ve ever experienced led to some very productive writing. Funny how the two are related. I’m not sure when I slept at all during the first half of September 2017, but I do know that’s when I wrote one of my favorite parts of my first memoir. Contemplating whether there might be men who are compatible with me that I just haven’t met yet led to simply writing: Fuck. One of the favorite sentences I’ve ever written.

I’m currently not experiencing insomnia because I am sleeping…just at some rather interesting times. Often, I’m awake from 2 or 3am until daylight, when sometimes I have to put myself to bed. Sleep and I continue a complex relationship, but there is something I really like about that early morning time of day. It’s peaceful and quiet of the communication that is so prevalent during “normal” business hours.

Finally, probably my least favorite: technology. With this one, it’s definitely more of a love/hate dynamic at work. I do love and appreciate the ease of connection technology brings. At the same time, I hate the overwhelm of information and how easy it is for people to reach me.

From telemarketing sales companies to political campaigns, I find it disturbing how many people contact me. Many with the sole intent of selling me crap I don’t want or need. Fucking salespeople. And yes, I realize that as a real estate broker, I am one; cold calling and harassment have just never been my style.

When it comes to technology, I can admit that it’s brought about connection with people I would never otherwise have met. And I do see value in that. Instagram seems to be the most reliable resource for connections and I’ve even hired people through connecting on that platform, without having met them in person.

On the flip side, there is a creepy aspect to IG when some men try to use it as though it’s a dating site. It’s not. One message I recently received read, “Hi dear, how are you?” To which I thought Dude, who the hell are you and WHO replies to such a thing?  All I know is that I do not.

When it comes to technology, severely limiting notifications has helped. As has deleting apps and leaving places I no longer have profiles. I do use technology on a daily basis and appreciate that it allows me to record podcast episodes from home. I also appreciate the times that I get to silence my phone and simply be inaccessible for a while.

It seems likely that I’ll continue to have complicated relationships with writing, sleep, and technology. And I’m actually comfortable with that fact.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Complicated Relationships”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

 

My Favorite Question

For a long time my favorite question to be asked is: What’s new? It’s a common question and I typically respond by asking how much time you have, how much information you want, and which area of my life you’d like to know about. Because for more than a year there continues to be a lot of new in all areas of my life.

Synchronicity and I are quite well acquainted and I never question it. It often happens that I think of someone and either run into them “randomly” or they call. Or I’ll send a text and get a reply that they were just thinking of me.

In recent conversations with friends there is so much new for all of us. Considering where each of us was a year or more ago, it’s rather astonishing to witness how much we’ve all changed. And continue to change.

There is new in pretty much all areas of my life. New that while in some ways is surprising, in other ways just feels like a natural progression. It is true that communication is a powerful word for me; I talk all the time. With people I know and with strangers…lots of familiar and lots of new.

The cell phone beside me is the fifth one I’ve owned in just over a year. It seems that while I’m communicating, I’m going through phones at a ridiculously fast rate. The superstitious side of me finally changed my lock screen photos in the hopes that maybe this latest phone will last a while. Because I’d seriously like to have one I can actually keep longer than a few months.

I’m a commitment person and all of this changing of phones every few months has gotten very old, very fast. I actually like this most recent version quite a lot so maybe it’ll let me keep it for a while. Adjusting notifications and logging back into apps every time is not fun.

It’s recently been so refreshing to be on the receiving end of invitations to connect and meet. For a long time, I was almost always the one giving the invitations (and still do) but sometimes it’s nice to be the one invited. Also nice to exercise the luxury of choosing when to say yes.

This year/decade has had an “interesting” start. I’m certainly not at all sad to see the end of the last one for more reasons than I could write. It was quite a year and quite a decade, both of which I would rather not ever experience again.

Asking “what’s new” is such a simple question, but at least with me, it opens the door to a lot of conversation. So I’m perfectly good with being asked it regularly.

I always find it interesting to hear the perspective of people who’ve known me for a long time and even relatively recent acquaintances have pointed out how much I’ve changed. The larger truth is that we’ve all changed. At the same time, it’s reassuring to have so many people in my life that remain as connections; regardless of whatever any one of us is experiencing.

I suppose it’s true that in life, the one constant is change. These days I’m much more comfortable than I’ve ever been with embracing that. Though really…I’d like to keep this current phone for a while.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “My Favorite Question”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

I’ve Always Been On My Way Here

An image I just downloaded for Instagram asks the question: Where have you been all this time? Taking note of all the dark places, detours, pain, and healing, it answers; I was on my way here.

I love that. It’s so beautifully simple, elegant and true. Had I kept a detailed record of all the synchronistic experiences just within the past year, they’d fill an entire book. And such experiences don’t show any signs of slowing down.

From new connections and experiences, to opportunities, conversations, events, and even travel possibilities; magic is everywhere. Turns out there is an active literary community within the Charlotte area. One that I had no awareness of until very recently, thanks to conversations and new friends illuminating its presence. It’s always existed and I’ve simply been on my way here.

Attending an event last weekend reminded me of how much I do love listening to live music. I just bought a ticket to another live music event next month because, why the hell not? Taking myself to a Saturday night event isn’t typical of me, but it was a lot of fun.

It seems that the Asheville, NC area continues to invite me to explore it. Listening to an artist friend describe what it’s like, I have to admit that I really would enjoy that area.  As I continue to add events and meetings to my calendar into November, I’m seriously considering the idea of getting away just to explore a new area.

Recently, I’ve found myself spending quite a lot of time in the Plaza Midwood area of Charlotte, which is a very creative part of town. It seems the more I embrace my own creativity, the more I’m aware of other creative people. I continue to become more and more aware of things that have just been waiting for me to notice them. I have always been on my way here.

No matter how often soul aligned connections show up, it is always stunningly breathtaking. After time connecting with a new friend today it’s clear; she and I have always been on our way to meeting one another. And we both recognize the significance of it.

My text message conversations are full of additional synchronicity and inspiration, one that this new friend just shared is The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. How stunningly beautiful and poignant.

All of this also reminds me of a recent singer/songwriter I could listen to all day, Matt Stell. His most popular one is Prayed for You but he has many other great songs. I’m highly discerning when it comes to lyrics and I love his music.

I cannot explain, nor do I even care, why anything has happened the way that it has up until now. All I know is that I was always on my way here. And here is absolutely enchanting, in so many ways and on so many levels.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “I’ve Always Been On My Way Here”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

Relationships as Creative Alliances

I recently saw relationships described as “creative alliances” and I really love that description. It very much implies a collaborative connection and that’s certainly my style.

Within recent months, as I chose to end an aspect of my life that had been a significant commitment, the impacts of that choice on all kinds of relationships in my life were fascinating.

Ending one commitment has opened flood gates of opportunities, and I’m continuing to say yes to things that are at times astonishing. Many connections and relationships have intensified and deepened once space was cleared for new experiences.

Recently when a friend asked if I’d be willing to partner with her on a creative endeavor the absolute brilliance of it stunned me. I had no idea her invitation was even a possibility and the magic of it was undeniable. It was like realizing “of course we’re going to collaborate on this together” and it’s totally aligned with one of my passions: communication.

Viewing relationships as creative alliances speaks to both their potential and expansive nature. It implies possibility which of course all connections include.

While interviewing book design and editing connections it became clear that I’m not interested in or looking for clinical. Being a very personal creative endeavor, publishing my first memoir, I want to collaborate with people I sense and feel a connection with – I want partnerships that are creative alliances.

It’s been a wild couple of months and while I continue to encounter experiences and connections that simply defy logic, perhaps the most surprising insight has been that I’m actually ok with not being able to explain or rationalize any of it.

I am completely surrounded by relationships that embody creative alliance in ways that I never could have imagined. And all of it just feels so damn fun.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Relationships as Creative Alliances”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression