Tag Archives: wisdom beyond divorce

The Expansiveness of Freedom Season

Back when I was first separated from my ex, I decided very quickly that the month of November would forever and always be my freedom month. And every year since 2015, that month has been an intentional celebration of the fact that I am free of that relationship.

This year, it seems I’m choosing to expand the celebration from a single month to the entire last quarter of the year. And because I both write and re-write the rules of my own life, I am free to do so.

This freedom celebration seems to be very aligned with lots of new activity in all areas of my life. The level of synchronicity around me has increased yet again to even higher levels. As gifted as I am at communication, I’ve been glued to my primary email folder all afternoon and still can’t keep up.

Between texts, emails, phone calls, and in-person engagements, floods of communication just keep coming toward me.

It’s all great, wonderful even, but damn…exactly how much new is going to continue arriving? I’m scheduling closings, updating contract forms while reading podcast notes, scheduling social dates, reviewing stats, oh and writing for myself and others. Let’s not discuss the amount of dishes in the sink, the mountain of clean laundry, or the lawn that’s well overdue for attention.

Months ago a friend laughingly asked when I’m going to start being careful what I wish for. Clearly, I’m not done tempting the universe to outdo itself with the magic of synchronicity because I keep challenging it. And it keeps outdoing itself.

I could seriously use a nap, or maybe just a solid night of sleep. But the thing is, no matter how insane and chaotic things are…I love that this is my life. Meeting new connections of every variety, deepening and expanding existing connections, going out to new bars and restaurants around town, having endless conversations with depth, running into people I haven’t seen in a while. Driving with windows down and music up. My life is full of joy.

Music and memory are very intertwined for me, and the Coldplay song Something Just Like This became a favorite right around when my divorce was final. It’s been showing up again lately, and hearing it while out running and turning back home, I realized; that’s what I’ve always wanted, a life just like the one that I have.

So I’ll happily take these last several months of the year and continue to celebrate the fact that I am more free than I have ever been. Because that is always worth celebrating.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Expansiveness of Freedom Season”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

 

Contrast and Clarity

Contrast and clarity are powerfully and inevitably intertwined. Life will bring us contrast and the inherent invitation is the clarity we can choose to extract and take forward.

Contrast shows up in experiences, situations, relationships and any number of other pathways. I won’t suggest that contrast within this human experience is ever exactly “fun” to feel, but there are still brilliant gifts it offers when we choose to recognize them. Contrast is the space between what we do and do not want.

Clarity born out of contrasting/challenging/uncomfortable experiences is powerful because it’s like a compass. We’re constantly fine tuning to our true North: What DO I want, how do I want to feel, what will I and what will I not allow? This can be applied to any area of life but in my experience relationships are the most fertile ground for this wisdom to arrive.

As a writer I create my own working definitions of some words and divorce is one of them. I see it as far more expansive than the end of a legal marriage. To me, divorce means cutting energetic and physical ties while implementing value based boundaries.

I’ve divorced “friends”, acquaintances, business relationships, and of course my marriage. I’ve divorced mindsets, old versions of myself, professional roles, the list goes on. You could say I’m the Queen of Divorce in all of its versions.

When I get to the point of divorcing anything, there has always been a dance of contrast and clarity.

For a long while I was firmly in the camp of focusing on the contrast to show me what I didn’t want. There was a big shift last October that had me pivoting and looking more at what I DO want as a result of contrast.

That shift has been really powerful and doors continue to fly open as I focus on the clarity of what is deeply meaningful to me: The people, experiences, connections and things that are most deeply aligned with me and my core values.

The pathway of growth and awareness is an upward spiral and while the contrast never goes away, I’ve found my recovery rate increases exponentially.

More than a year ago someone I thought was a friend hired and fired me within the span of a few weeks, after I did a ton of work on their house listing. The shattering unfolded rapidly and it was clear we were not aligned. My boundary enforcement and cutting out of this person was swift and complete. But….it really hurt and it hurt for a while.

Fast forward to recently when it became clear a connection needed to be removed. My recovery rate was exponentially faster and so much easier. Clarity felt like relief.

Contrast is going to show up. Clarity can follow and whether it does so quickly or over time the invitation is always there.

I’ve deeply learned these past years that I cannot and will not hold responsibility for the choices, behavior and actions of others upon my shoulders. When contrast arises, I’ll mine the clarity and gratefully take that wisdom with me. Onward and upward always.

Clarity on what I do want continues to come into ever sharper focus. For that insight and the ever increasing recovery rate from contrast, I am immensely grateful.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Contrast and Clarity”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression