Tag Archives: intuition

Contrast and Clarity

Contrast and clarity are powerfully and inevitably intertwined. Life will bring us contrast and the inherent invitation is the clarity we can choose to extract and take forward.

Contrast shows up in experiences, situations, relationships and any number of other pathways. I won’t suggest that contrast within this human experience is ever exactly “fun” to feel, but there are still brilliant gifts it offers when we choose to recognize them. Contrast is the space between what we do and do not want.

Clarity born out of contrasting/challenging/uncomfortable experiences is powerful because it’s like a compass. We’re constantly fine tuning to our true North: What DO I want, how do I want to feel, what will I and what will I not allow? This can be applied to any area of life but in my experience relationships are the most fertile ground for this wisdom to arrive.

As a writer I create my own working definitions of some words and divorce is one of them. I see it as far more expansive than the end of a legal marriage. To me, divorce means cutting energetic and physical ties while implementing value based boundaries.

I’ve divorced “friends”, acquaintances, business relationships, and of course my marriage. I’ve divorced mindsets, old versions of myself, professional roles, the list goes on. You could say I’m the Queen of Divorce in all of its versions.

When I get to the point of divorcing anything, there has always been a dance of contrast and clarity.

For a long while I was firmly in the camp of focusing on the contrast to show me what I didn’t want. There was a big shift last October that had me pivoting and looking more at what I DO want as a result of contrast.

That shift has been really powerful and doors continue to fly open as I focus on the clarity of what is deeply meaningful to me: The people, experiences, connections and things that are most deeply aligned with me and my core values.

The pathway of growth and awareness is an upward spiral and while the contrast never goes away, I’ve found my recovery rate increases exponentially.

More than a year ago someone I thought was a friend hired and fired me within the span of a few weeks, after I did a ton of work on their house listing. The shattering unfolded rapidly and it was clear we were not aligned. My boundary enforcement and cutting out of this person was swift and complete. But….it really hurt and it hurt for a while.

Fast forward to recently when it became clear a connection needed to be removed. My recovery rate was exponentially faster and so much easier. Clarity felt like relief.

Contrast is going to show up. Clarity can follow and whether it does so quickly or over time the invitation is always there.

I’ve deeply learned these past years that I cannot and will not hold responsibility for the choices, behavior and actions of others upon my shoulders. When contrast arises, I’ll mine the clarity and gratefully take that wisdom with me. Onward and upward always.

Clarity on what I do want continues to come into ever sharper focus. For that insight and the ever increasing recovery rate from contrast, I am immensely grateful.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Contrast and Clarity”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

Levels of Access and Boundaries

Boundaries are a key ingredient in my life and I could talk about them for days. My guest blog about Boundaries and Barricades is a great reference point.

Boundaries inherently involve both levels of access and discernment.

There are billions of people on the planet. I do NOT want, need or desire to have that many people close to me. I am intentional and discerning in who gets access to me.

There are levels of access and these aren’t concrete, they are fluid and flexible. One of my closest people describes concentric circles of access and I love that visual. People will land and move between those circles with myself at the center.

Being at the center of my own concentric circles is huge for my recovering people pleasing self. Unapologetically giving myself permission to guard, enforce and uphold the boundaries of access to me.

At times, honoring that permission to grant and deny access involves cutting. When I cut it is swift, complete and can feel harsh to those removed. The other side of that is the very powerful and aligned honoring of myself and my values. For that I give zero fucks and will never apologize. Unapologetic permission is freeing.

Honoring and upholding my own core value based boundaries is only and always my work to do. To allow those that prove worthy closer, while continuing to release those not aligned.

In conversations with close circle people lately, we all express there is tremendous freedom in both honoring and recognizing aligned and non-aligned connections sooner rather than later. It saves everyone time and energy.

For those of us that are highly intuitive and empathic, it’s beautifully liberating to witness both those who are aligned and those who are not. Either way, we see you and will take steps to honor our own values. Embracing heartfelt connection and removing ourselves from those who haven’t earned access to us.

Within recent days I noticed myself intentionally moving physically closer to those I trust most. It’s based on a feeling and defies logic but feels right, true and heartfelt. All of which are deeply meaningful to me. It also feels fun and joyful.

Onward and upward always. Trust yourself, listen to the whispers of guidance. There’s tremendous power in trusting yourself.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Levels of Access and Boundaries”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression