Having had some type of dating profile for nearly a year now, there is one aspect that to me is the absolute worst. And it’s not the rude, inappropriate, or downright stupid messages men send; I find those amusing. The worst part is the mind-numbingly boring communication.
Admittedly, I have impossibly high standards when it comes to conversation and communication. And I’ve talked with and dated several very intelligent men who were unwilling to engage with me intellectually. No matter how much physical attraction there may be, without the intellectual component I will quickly get bored and move on.
Communicating via a dating app or even text messages, is not the same as having a conversation with someone. Right now, there’s a message I haven’t responded to yet, from some guy wanting to meet me in person. After only a few messages back and forth.
The thing is, I don’t yet know if it’s worth meeting him in person. Because we haven’t had an actual conversation. And I’m not interested in meeting someone for the sake of meeting them. I can buy my own drinks and I have plenty of friends. If I don’t find you interesting enough in conversation, we really don’t need to meet.
I just don’t understand how unwilling so many men seem to be to having an actual conversation prior to meeting in person. In nearly a year, one man has asked if he could call me. One. I haven’t kept track of how many I’ve messaged, talked with or met, but one seems like a ridiculously low number willing to have a conversation by phone.
The superficial, meaningless, seriously boring communication saturating the experience of dating is enough to make me want to delete it all and just give up. At this point I do have a lot of clarity about what I want, and most messages don’t get a response from me.
If I do engage…I want to see some willingness to have an actual conversation before spending any time or energy meeting in person. And that conversation can’t happen through texting alone.
A fellow writer who doesn’t know me at all but had listened to some of my writing immediately described me as highly intellectual. That’s certainly true, and while there was a time when I was willing to keep an open mind and date without proof of intellectual engagement, that time has passed.
I guess it’s true that if you “date a writer, you’ll end up as material.” Even if you just message a writer through a dating app…you can still end up as material.
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