Tag Archives: commitment

The Unwillingness to Commit

I notice when topics repeatedly arise in conversation, and this one has surfaced in no less than three conversations within the past few days; the deep aversion that some people have to making a commitment.

While millennials don’t have an exclusive hold on this behavior, there is a higher prevalence of it within that generation. To be clear, I have certainly seen this behavior in people over forty. I also have close friends who, while chronologically millennials, don’t exhibit this tendency to avoid commitment.

Watching a recent situation unfold, I saw the red flags accumulating and knew an ending was imminent. I walked away from it wondering if this person will ever reach the realization that there is no perfect house. Even brand new construction isn’t perfect. A perfect house simply doesn’t exist, but a “perfect for you” house can and does.

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, a perfect friendship or a perfect piece of art. We all have flaws, scars, and insecurities. Committing to one another isn’t expecting those to disappear, it’s a choice to show up for one another anyway.

In my own life, I’m deeply committed to communication, and the level of brilliant conversation I experience on a daily basis is quite stunning. Listening to the Disrupt Now Program Podcast Episode 43: Sacred Nourishment this morning, I even surprise myself with the things that I say. While recording these podcast episodes as co-host and participant, I show up with no expectations. With many guests, I haven’t met them until that moment. These conversations feel genuine and intimate because they are.

The irony is that commitment isn’t limiting, it’s expansive and creative and can be so much fun. Writing for myself, and for ghostwriting clients, is more joyful and creative than I ever could have imagined. Both involve a commitment as well as willingness to show up and engage with one another.

I don’t enjoy ghostwriting from content alone, I need and want conversation around that content. In the same way, publishing my book involves a mutual commitment and conversation with my editor.

While meeting with a real estate client and some professional consults (all men my age and older) in reference to a specific situation, I summarized it with “millennials won’t make a damn commitment.” In later conversation, my client referenced that statement and shared his own professional observations of the same phenomenon. Fascinating.

With dating, I’ve found that I really don’t enjoy men even just a year or two younger than myself. I have gone on dates with several and there was just a disconnect. Similarly, with professional clients in both writing and real estate, my absolute favorites tend to be around my age or older. There’s a maturity factor that is there, as well as a willingness to commit to whatever the relationship is.

This morning I said yes to a potential writing project without knowing any details about it. The possible project involves someone I already have a collaborative and creative partnership with, and that history of commitment allows me to say yes without reservation or research. I already know we work well together and can commit easily without hesitation.

Commitment isn’t limiting and it’s not scary at all. When it’s with the right-for-you people, experiences, even houses…commitment can be a very beautiful and mutually beneficial experience.

I’m not turning away from an entire generation of people, I do have very close friends who are ten or more years younger. I just know I don’t want to date them, and they may or may not be ideal clients for me. That just depends on the person, as well as how they view commitment.

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