Tag Archives: awareness

The Reality of Forgiveness and Healing

Any journey of forgiveness or healing have some things in common. Most notably, both are non-linear and unpredictable. The saying that “the best way out is through” also applies to both experiences.

I have a lot of experience with forgiveness and healing in a variety of contexts. Years worth of experience. Yet I still encounter new expressions of both journeys and new experiences with deeper levels of both. And while I’m very familiar with them, I wouldn’t exactly say either is comfortable.

From where I was staying in New Orleans to the mastermind retreat I attended, Lake Ponchartrain lies in between. In order to get where I was going, I ended up on the bridge that crosses that lake; the experience of which I found very similar to navigating both forgiveness and healing.

Calling this road a bridge is misleading, it could qualify as its own zip code it’s so long. There is a very long time when land simply isn’t visible. You can’t see where you’ve been and can’t see where you’re going; I found it highly anxiety inducing. The first time I drove that bridge I didn’t relax my grip on the steering wheel until I was back on land. I seriously considered taking the long way around on the way back, but reminded myself that the best way out is just through.

This bridge and experience were an interesting parallel to something that came up within the retreat: the awareness that I hadn’t fully forgiven a particular person. I thought that I had forgiven them, but it turns out I was still holding on to some resentment toward them.

In fact, my internal reaction to reading words about forgiveness on the page was….Ugh! I don’t want to go back here again. And it surprised me to realize I still had forgiveness work to do within myself related to this person.

Forgiveness and healing are much like grief in their unpredictable and swirling processes. Maybe familiarity with all three journeys is why I engage in conversations about them so willingly with anyone from friends to strangers.

Forgiveness, healing, grief are processes. There is no map and there is no magic pill in order to get to the other side. Much like my experience of driving that bridge…the best way out is through and even when it’s wildly uncomfortable; I can choose to breathe, relax, and trust the process as it unfolds.

Maybe all are journeys of progress rather than perfection. Journeys that get, if not easy, more possible by leaning toward willingness. This person I’d been unknowingly resentful of may or may not ever know about my journey of forgiving them. But that’s the point of forgiveness: it’s not about their peace, it is about mine.

Copyright©2020 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Reality of Forgiveness and Healing”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, joyful integrity and creative expression

 

New Levels of Awareness and Freedom

Months ago, I could not have predicted just how many new experiences would follow letting go of an old identity. Had I known, I probably wouldn’t have grieved it as much as I did.

I’m now someone who willingly shows up at writer events and writing workshops. Someone who regularly attends entrepreneur events, and connects with new people anywhere and everywhere. I’m now also someone who is seriously considering travel to places I haven’t yet visited…I continue to surprise myself.

Over the weekend, I was even more aware of the fact that I have very deep roots within the Charlotte community. Roots that continue to expand. Any time I attend an event or find myself in familiar places, it’s common for me to run into people that I know. It’s true that Charlotte is a big small town.

One of the recent full moons felt like it was inviting me to look more deeply into what was being illuminated, so I dug out my astrology chart to see how it related; that moon was right next to my midheaven in Aquarius. I’d never researched that particular placement but it influences my professional or vocational life.

Midheaven in Aquarius indicates an unconventional or free-spirited style. In my entire life, I’ve had exactly one “traditional” job and lasted no more than eight months before leaving for a more flexible pathway. That job was pure torture to me and I’ve always leaned toward the unconventional in my work. Recognizing the expansive flexibility of writing has been a very welcome gift this year.

This awareness also reminded me that my writing company is an Aquarius. Which was not in any way consciously intentional on my part, the end of January is just when I finally took the action of creating it.

In all areas of my life, the increase in awareness and freedom continue to feed my capacity for new experiences and deepening connections. Conversations full of possibility and potential are everywhere I turn, but instead of alarming me; they feel like they’re arriving right on time.

Every single piece of art or picture in my home is meaningful to me. Looking at the two most recent additions, I love their complimentary nature. They each look as though they’ve always been there. Estko Creative is behind these latest additions and she’s a local artist I’ve really enjoyed getting to know.

Yin and yang are words I cannot escape from, they seem to follow me everywhere. From these recent art works, to the pendants around my neck…light and dark are constant companions. So are themes of forgiveness, healing, compassion, and creativity. All of which I’ll happily continue to lean into embracing, with new levels of awareness and freedom.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “New Levels of Awareness and Freedom”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression

 

 

The Illumination of Awareness

Awareness is illuminating and tends to highlight the myriad of ways in which I hold myself back or even sabotage myself.

Turns out I’ve been totally holding myself back when it comes to running, stopping at 2 or maybe 3 miles and calling it good enough.

Until yesterday morning’s run when I intentionally chose a route that I knew would be at least 4 and then chose a different pathway which pushed the final distance to 5 miles.

There is absolutely a mental component to running, and I’m an expert at negotiating with myself and coming up with excuses. Except now I can’t deny that I’m physically capable of far more than I typically allow myself do.

This particular awareness is certainly well timed and highly relevant as I’m running the Charlotte half marathon in November.

Last year it turns out I intellectually committed to it but was clearly unwilling to physically commit to training for it. So I ended up skipping it.

About a month ago I knew that I really want to run it this year and I do feel much more willing to commit both intellectually and physically to training for it. It’s meaningful to me on so many levels and for so many deeply personal reasons.

And clearly I’m more prepared than I thought thanks to this week’s awareness and insight.

I do enjoy running once I get past the first mile or two and I kind of love that I’m only ever competing with myself. Yesterday morning by the third mile it actually felt incredibly good.

Like so many things, I have a complicated relationship with awareness when it shows up. It often feels so uncomfortable while also being liberating in a way. As though it has the innate power to shatter ALL of the very well crafted excuses my mind loves to create.

I suppose awareness and I are grudgingly acknowledged friends. It’s certainly always an experience that continues to invite me out of the comfort zones my rational side would love to cling to.

While awareness may not always be comfortable it does always precede growth, expansion and learning. Apparently even when it comes to admitting that I am actually a runner.

Copyright©2019 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “The Illumination of Awareness”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, Between the Lines LLC Ghostwriting Services, founded in heartfelt alignment, connection and creative expression