Awareness is illuminating and tends to highlight the myriad of ways in which I hold myself back or even sabotage myself.
Turns out I’ve been totally holding myself back when it comes to running, stopping at 2 or maybe 3 miles and calling it good enough.
Until yesterday morning’s run when I intentionally chose a route that I knew would be at least 4 and then chose a different pathway which pushed the final distance to 5 miles.
There is absolutely a mental component to running, and I’m an expert at negotiating with myself and coming up with excuses. Except now I can’t deny that I’m physically capable of far more than I typically allow myself do.
This particular awareness is certainly well timed and highly relevant as I’m running the Charlotte half marathon in November.
Last year it turns out I intellectually committed to it but was clearly unwilling to physically commit to training for it. So I ended up skipping it.
About a month ago I knew that I really want to run it this year and I do feel much more willing to commit both intellectually and physically to training for it. It’s meaningful to me on so many levels and for so many deeply personal reasons.
And clearly I’m more prepared than I thought thanks to this week’s awareness and insight.
I do enjoy running once I get past the first mile or two and I kind of love that I’m only ever competing with myself. Yesterday morning by the third mile it actually felt incredibly good.
Like so many things, I have a complicated relationship with awareness when it shows up. It often feels so uncomfortable while also being liberating in a way. As though it has the innate power to shatter ALL of the very well crafted excuses my mind loves to create.
I suppose awareness and I are grudgingly acknowledged friends. It’s certainly always an experience that continues to invite me out of the comfort zones my rational side would love to cling to.
While awareness may not always be comfortable it does always precede growth, expansion and learning. Apparently even when it comes to admitting that I am actually a runner.
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